Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
