Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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