So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
