...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
