dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
