If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
