When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
