Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
