She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
