I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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