Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
