she was so not down for the gang bang
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
