When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
