Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
