First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
