i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
