the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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