Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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