how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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