If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
