at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
