There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
