I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
