I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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