Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
