lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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