The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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