i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
