my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
