Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
