When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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