I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's like iHOP with fire
The beer is more important than you right now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
