i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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