The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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