turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize