btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
