I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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