Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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