So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
