if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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