I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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