K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
