I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
