he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
