I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
