I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my shit smells like andre
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
