your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
