so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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