if you like me you must not know who I am
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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