Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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