So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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