Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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