these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
