Your tits are I can't wait for
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
