Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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