I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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