We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
