I love black thongs
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize