I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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