He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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