Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You've changed since you got that strap on
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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