my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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