My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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