i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
