Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
