I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
