Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
